Parents often struggle setting boundaries for their kids. Why it's so hard, what to do about it, and how to say "no" without painful fights? The issue of rules and limits is prevalent in parenting workshops and clinical education training. Many parents wonder how to set boundaries without tantrums, tears, and above all, the risk of losing their children's love. The bad news is that it's not so easy. The good news is that there are solutions. Here are 5 myths about rules and boundaries parents should be more aware of.
1. Kids are responsible for respecting boundaries.
It is a mistake to think that children are responsible for respecting boundaries. Their parents are. Almost all children, as with most adults, dare themselves to cross the line from time to time, particularly when it's not clearly established. In any case, the responsibility of supervising limits is always on whoever sets them.
2. Both parties must respect the agreement.
The idea that kids abide by agreement is a myth, especially when they are required to do tasks they don't like, such as taking a shower, turning off a game they are about to win, eating some unpleasant (and even nutritious) food, or going to bed (too early).
3. Some WARS are worth it.
Some people say it's important to choose battles with your kids, but some wars are not worth it. Moreover, words have great power. After all, fights and wars are waged against an ENEMY. But your kids are not your enemies!
4. Kids have to accept our "no".
Kids who hear "no" too often grow to hate the word. So whenever they do, they get angry, just like us.
5. Parents who set boundaries are bad parents.
Some people believe that saying "no" to their kids will make them feel disliked or unloved. This is not true - quite the contrary.
Now, how to set useful boundaries? Well, the better the relationship, the easier it is to influence children about boundaries. Limits should be few but strictly adhered to by the child, who should be ready to cooperate with you. And the best way to build a confident relationship is spending QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
It's important to clearly know what and when to give up. Is it really wise to insist every morning, or evening, that kids take their shower? Do you want them to shut down their computer, tablet, or smartphone on time? So go to them a few minutes earlier, remind them of the rule you set TOGETHER, and let them finish their game. When you come back to check a bit later, and they still did not obey, close the device yourself. Without any discussion. A rule is a rule, is it not?
Picture: Child with Headache (Wikimedia Commons, w/Effects)
