Often, well-meaning adults praise children with generic terms like "good girl" or "good boy." While these compliments are meant to encourage, they often fail to provide the specific feedback children need to understand their actions. Simply labeling a child as “good” doesn’t clarify what they did well and may hinder their growth. Instead, experts recommend using specific feedback that recognizes a child’s efforts and strategies.

Historically, praise has been seen as vital for child development. In the 1950s, American psychologist B.F. Skinner emphasized the role of praise in reinforcing desired behavior. Recent research, however, has shifted away from focusing solely on self-esteem. Today, experts advocate for something called “process praise”—recognizing a child's efforts rather than their inherent traits—as a more effective method for encouraging resilience and motivation.

Recent research indicates that excessive praise, using words like “incredible” and “amazing,” can lead to narcissism by distorting children's self-image. Moreover, the term "good girl/boy" raises concerns about gender identity and self-esteem, with studies showing that girls often react more negatively to evaluative praise than boys. While some findings are decades old, they highlight the impact of socializing children into gender roles and the unconscious messages conveyed through praise.

To foster a healthier approach to praising children, consider instead the following principles:

1. Provide specific feedback about their behavior, such as "Nice job solving that puzzle!"

2. Focus on personal improvement rather than comparisons to others.

3. Show that children are valued for who they are, regardless of their accomplishments.

By applying these strategies, parents can help children feel motivated and confident as they grow up, building a strong sense of self-worth grounded in their efforts.

Picture: Elisha at SUMUP Tournament (ChildUp.com)

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